Where Does Beauty Lie?

Someone said beauty lies in eyes of the beholder. But our eyes see what we think. So does beauty lie in the mind? I believe...Yes! It's what makes Khali, Mohammad Kaif or Sunil Shetty cute. It's the same thing that can make Katrina, Kareena and Aishwarya Rai ugly. How? Let me elaborate.

Our liking towards someone makes everything about him/her beautiful in our eyes. Whom we like suddenly seems beautiful to us and the one whose nature we can't stand, seems ugly. This happens all the time, but probably we don't seem to notice.

Beauty that we see from our eyes is superficial; a person's physical attributes can't define beauty. Millions find Aishwarya and Katrina beautiful and yet I know people who hate both of them. Does this define taste? I say it's our attitude towards people that define beauty. A mother always finds her children good-looking. Simply, because she loves them.

The one we love, would always be the most beautiful person on earth for us. Sometimes with the turn of emotions, his very physical flaws appear cute to us. That bended finger of his suddenly looks like a curved ring, in which you want to entwine the rest of your life. Trust me on this. Love makes the world go round.

"To a woman nothing seems quite impossible to the powers of the man she worships." O.Henry wrote in his famous short story A Retrieved Reformation.

And I truly believe in it. If we abhor someone, his appearance starts to displeasure our senses. An accidental touch of his hand too can create aversion. Because it's all in the mind. The beauty, the ugliness and all it's manifestations. Several people I met, found me beautiful, but the one who discovered the real me never found me beautiful.! And that's because he could see the person inside. Rare but true! People are neither beautiful nor ugly.

Why We Share?

There are reasons for sharing our thoughts with others as much as there are reasons for keeping the same thoughts within. Some share for the sake of sharing. But some share because they want the other person to know what he/she is going through.  

Before we share our situations (not necessarily our problems) with someone what are the thoughts that cross the mind? 

1. Will the other person understand the gravity of the situation.

2. Even if they do, will they be unaffected by my condition.

We share when our mind has negated the two points. But as it's highly unlikely that they may react as per our expectation, we are not satisfied even after sharing.

But in some instances, there could be a deeper reason. We had not shared with any objective in mind and thus were unable to handle the reaction that came. We shared because the other person was important. But he/she fails to infer this and rather questions the very goal of sharing the situation. We are either speechless or feel thunderstruck. "I had not thought of this reaction."

And believe me friends, there could be situations when we see it coming and yet go for it. I remember sharing my problems with same person time and again and then being tagged a 'sadist'!

When we don't always feel lighter after sharing and when we know the problem better than the other person,  I don't understand why we share. Composed few lines some months back:

"Jispe guzari woh hi samjha, baaki ya toh has diye ya ro pade."

Ego: The Detrimental Dog In Me

Ego and love do not go hand-in-hand. Yet, we never let go of it saying that it's vital for being successful in life. How true is that?

A quest for altruism took me through a self-analysis which only made me realise the deep-rooted ego inside. I saw a film named Jism some years back, which talked about the good dog and the bad dog inside a man. I quite liked the thought. Whichever dog we chose to feed more, became stronger than the other.

I had been trying to get rid of this dog in the last few years but amazingly an insight trip made me discover that the more I thought about it, the more that dog became older.  

A journey inside opened my eyes to the naked truth -- Ego cannot go by thought and neither is it beyond human action. Just that we are too blinded with it that we don't seem to identify it growing inside us. You must have heard of the man who went to the temple and got his name engraved on the stone for people to know about his donation. He wanted to please the dog inside him. So, he was a man with ego.

But did you know about the man who went to the temple, gave donations but told everyone that he will not get his name engraved on the temple wall because he doesn't want people to know. He was feeding the same dog.

There was a third man too. Who donated but neither got his name engraved nor told anyone. Not because he was too humble but because he too wanted to please his dog. You will ask how? He thought, sharing or making his donation public would bring him among common people which he was not. His very thought fed the dog.

When someone called me 'egoistic' for the first time in life, it was a setback for me. None of my childhood friends ever said that. Not because I was not, but because I carried it too much that nobody ever dared to. Soon after I was getting overwhelmed with the feeling that the dog inside was weak and dying, I heard this story. I discovered how much food I had been giving to the bad dog inside me making the very thought of killing it redundant. 

Some say ego is important to prove your worth in life but I feel what you do out of love is always greater and more effective than what you may achieve out of ego. People who feed this dog all their life are the biggest sufferers on earth. The best part is that they never realise this because of their EGO.

Me sharing this thought on my blog has fed the same dog to some extent but honestly, I liked writing about it. It is this "good feeling" that is feeding the "bad dog" inside. It has taken years to grow and will not die in a day. Hope you guys liked it and inferred the right notes. Few lines as I conclude...

A book is man’s best friend outside of a dog, and inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.—Jim Brewer

Ayodhya Mein Pub: Sapna Adhoora Reh Gya!

फ़ैसले में 12 घंटे बाकी थे. फ़ोन पर SMS आया. अयोध्या विवाद पर फ़ैसला आ गया है. मुबारक हो वहां पब बनेगा. सभी पक्ष मान गये हैं. एक जज ने Girl's Hostel बनवाने की सलाह दी थी मगर लड़के-लड़कियों में अंतर ना करते हुए आख़िरकार ज़मीन 'पब' बनाने वाली पार्टी को सोपने का फ़ैसला लिया गया.

60 साल से चले आ रहे इस विवाद पर फ़ैसले के मद्देनज़र देश भर में सुरक्षा के कड़े इंतज़ाम किए गये थे. फ़ैसले की ख़बर सुनते ही देश भर में ख़ुशी की लहर दौड़ गई. लेकिन एक बड़े समुदाय ने फ़ैसले की निंदा करते हुए कहा की वह ख़ुद को ठगा हुआ महसूस कर रहे हैं. पब में केवल नौजवानो को आने-जाने की छूट देकर कोर्ट ने उनके साथ धोखा किया है.

फ़ैसले के मुताबिक, 18-35 साल के सभी युवक-युवती अपना Identity Card दिखा कर प्रवेश पा सकते हैं. पब के लिए कोई टिकेट नही लगेगा. पब के निर्माण के लिए सारा पैसा प्रदेश की सरकार देगी. यदि ज़रूरत पड़ी तो PM Relief Fund से अधिक से अधिक राशि का प्रबंध किया जाएगा. पब के नाम पर शरारती तत्व लोगों से पैसे ना माँगे इसलिए बल्क SMS और MMS पर रोक 4 October तक बढ़ा दी गयी है. ख़बर सुनकर देश के क़ानून पर मुझे और भी गर्व महसूस हुआ. मैने सभी दोस्तो को msg किया. लेकिन किसी को यक़ीन नहीं हुआ की आज के भारत की सोच इतनी आगे निकल गयी है की अयोध्या जैसी नगरी में पार्टीयां आयोजित करने के मक़सद से इतना भव्य पब बन्ने जा रहा था. जब हर शाम इतने नौजवान एक साथ होंगे तो सोचिए कितने विषयों पर बात होगी. हर धर्म और जाति के युवा नेता इसी पब की गर्भ से निकलेंगे. बल्कि यह कहा जाना चाहिए की प्रेम और दोस्ती के रस में ओत-प्रोत युवाओं के पास धर्म और जाति पर विचार करने का समय ही नहीं होगा. यदि धर्म का भेदभाव नहीं होगा तो सभी युवा एक जुट होकर एक नया भारत बनाने का कार्य करेंगे.

हरिवंश राय बच्चन जी की दो पंक्तियाँ हैं: "मंदिर-मस्जिद बैर बढ़ाते, मेल कराती मधुशाला." दिन भर ऑफिस में काम करने के बाद यहाँ आने से थकान एक दम दूर हो जाएगी. दूर-दूर से लोग अयोध्या पब में एंजाय करने आएँगे. रास्ते में भी नये दोस्त बनाने का भी अवसर मिलेगा. यह सचमुच एक एतिहसिक फ़ैसला होगा. यही सोचकर मैं मीठी नींद में सो गयी. मग़र अगले दिन जब ऑफिस पहुंची तो फ़ैसला सुनकर कुछ उदास हो गयी. मेरा सपना टूट चुका  था. कोर्ट के  जज की नज़र में अयोध्या पर किसी पुरुष-महिला से पहले पुरुषोत्त राम का अधिकार था. क़ानून की नज़र में उनका जन्म वहीं हुआ था. वकील ने कहा भगवान राम अयोध्या में ही हैं, लोग ख़ामख़ा उन्हें अपने दिलों में ढ़ूढ़ रहे थे. पता मिलने की ख़ुशी में देश के कई हिन्दू ईद मनाने लगे. ऑफिस में कुछ लोगों ने बधाई देते हुए समोसे बांटे. भूख के चलते इस नशे का हिस्सा में भी बन गयी. सपने आख़िर सपने ही होते हैं...फ़िर वही मंदिर, वही मस्ज़िद...वही चन्दन के टीके से सने माथे, पेशानी पर वही पांच वक्त की नमाज़ की निशानी...जगह चाहे जिसको भी मिले...पब का सपना अधूरा ही रह गया. वैसे सुना है सभी पक्ष उपरी अदालत में जा रहे हैं... काश इस बार 'पब' वाले जीत जायें.

Ganesha: The 'Coolest' Idol

A tech-savvy version of Lord Ganesha

Who's the cutest of them all? The one that's most market-friendly and adjustable enough to fit all sizes? The idol of Lord Ganesha, without any doubt!

On the very day of Ganesh Chaturthi, I was in office. One of my colleagues, looking at a story running on a news channel on the different types of Ganesha idols, commented: "Jitna mazaak Ganesh ke saath hota hai, utna kisi aur bhagwaan ke saath nahi hota (The extent to which people make fun of Lord Ganesh, no other mythological character is played with."

To this another colleague replied, "His unique shape makes up for it." Small and large idols of the elephant-faced Hindu deity are used as gifts in popular culture. I remember a young colleague at my previous office, gifting me a small crystal idol of Ganesha, on my day of leaving. It was too sweet of her! Though I am not at all into religion, I like Lord Ganesha.
 
What caught my attention was the fact that he despite the popularity he shares in India and overseas -- there is no political party in his name! And that was my answer to my colleagues' query. As to why marketers play around safely with this icon. We don't find Hanuman or Ram or for that matter Krishna in as varied varieties as Ganesha. My colleagues said, the face is such that it can be drawn on just about anything -- clay, paper, crytal, wood, et al. I definitely second that, after I saw this face on a vegetable. (Check out the picture below to believe me!)

A vegetable resembling Ganesha's face

Another major reason why sellers across the country cash in on this deity is because of his association with the business communities in India. Ganesha is associated with good luck, wisdom and is widely worshipped across India as the remover of obstacles.

Moreover, there are no possibilities of objections being raised from any political parties if you wear his image on your T-shirt or use it as a corporate gift or get it printed on wedding cards. He is a 100% safe bet to play on for commercial purposes. 

Ganesha looks distinct from his fellow deities, denotes all the good things and is free from controversies. He definitely is the 'coolest' and I can almost bet that he holds the Lion's share in the gifting and matrimony market among all Hindu mythological figures!

Deja Vu: The New Meera

Some things in life can actually be bigger than your "dream job". The way Jai in the film Love Aaj Kal was losing interest in his work, I am getting a deja vu these days.

I don't have even an iota of doubt that I am in a better place among better people. But I miss something very crucial. There were days when I had so many people to talk to, but there was no quality, no substance in my talks. Today when I am happy, the absence of someone who made me realise what "quality in life" is, leaves me pondering.

For long I thought, love is an "emotion" that makes one weak and so one should never fall in love. But I am happy, time has proved me wrong. What can make one weak are emotions attached to a person. Love in its real form can be a great source of inspiration. "Love is not an emotion. It's a way of life," he always told me.

You have "to love" and not "be in love" to believe this. Sounds crazy, but I can assure it's not that difficult. Emotions make you "stick" to something or someone. Love makes you "let go".  Today, I derive all my inspiration to do better in life from his thoughts. This is what keeps me going.

But as I grow as a person and as a professional, I miss his presence the most. Today, when I have things to share. I don't find him anywhere. He has gone away...but his thoughts and teachings have made me a more mature and stronger human being. He had always been a mentor, and also my biggest critic. The most valuable guidance came from him.

Though I miss him with a smile on my face, I am scared this may someday affect my enthusiasm to work. Jai came back to Meera in the climax. But I have become the new Meera, who loves loving her 'muse' without feeling intoxicated with emotions.

Peeli Roshni: The Light of Happiness

पीली सी उस रोशनी में एक बार नहाई थी मैं...जाने वो कौन सा मोड़ था जहां मंजिल खो गयी, फिर ना वो रात आई, ना कभी सहर हुई... खो गयी मैं चलते-चलते उस पीली रोशनी की तलाश में...     

Sometimes your heart declines to emote...there is a strange void. An emptiness that neither kills nor cures... Almost what Shakespeare's Hamlet felt: "I'm sad because I'm not happy..."
Unable to feel the emotions that run deep inside...the heart seems static...eyes blank. Looking at the clouds she wonders if it would rain again. A strange connect she has with water... almost imitating her feelings.

But it's been days, the rain doesn't seem to touch a chord in her heart the way water stays on an oily surface but fails to slip inside... she has not been sad in the real sense... nor can she feel the happiness... She stands numb in her balcony looking at the wet leaves on the tree. She doesn't know what she wants now...Giving away the happy feeling to make someone happy...yet be happy... is it possible...she just wonders...
She can't see the way but the road on which she walks, in search of the yellow light she once saw...

Who's Your Best Friend?

I have always had BEST FRIENDS since my childhood. The funny part is that they keep changing with time. This makes me doubt the whole concept of a "best friend".

If we go by definitions: Best Friend is the one friend who is closest to you. Which possibly means that we can have multiple friends but only one who can be the best. But does that mean, calling someone the best restricts our ability to make more such best friends?     

  

This friendship week, I have been thinking about all my best friends (people who were closest to me at different points in time). Most of them today, are either busy or somewhere far away. As I remember all of them today, I dedicate this Friendship Day to all those who have given their love and support in times of need. I cherish the time and their friendship forever. 

Here's a list of my friends in chronological order:

• Tanvi Arora alias Tannu: My first best friend in life. We have grown up together and share some of the most memorable moments like eating Maggi under the table with classes full on, and being part of a skit where she played a vegetable and I played Apple. (We actually wore Tori and Apple cutouts on our heads! Wish I could share the pics). I changed the school after Class II while she came to my new school only after Vth.
• Gina Joseph: Class IV-VI (As she left school; we became pen pals but later with college and distance the friendship went into oblivion)
• Charu: Class VI-VII
• Sheetal Chawla: Class VIII-X
• Payal Aggarwal: Class XI-XII
• Sheetal Chawla: Unbreakable bond brought me back to her after school.
• Saurabh Bhatia: My first male friend in life and also the first I met in college. (For three years of our graduation we supported each other through thick and then...As we grew up...so grew our convictions...Since we always agree to disagee on almost everything, life has given us different paths which we hardly cross. I wish him good health and a better mind...Cheers!)
• Sheetal Chawla: Despite being in touch, we weren't able to meet much due to different friend circles. Our recess was aggravating. Though I tried to bridge the gap, I couldn't revive the earlier magic of school time.
• Payal Aggarwal: After a five-year hiatus (3 years of college + 1 year of PG + 1 year of job), we met again. This time for an even better and closer relationship. She coined the term PGGF (Permanent Good Girl Friend) and we made a promise to never let go of this golden friendship. But as nothing is permanent, my PGGF decided to go away one fine day and as I believe "Love should not be forced upon", I let her go. She is happily married and lives in Delhi with her in-laws. I always wish good for her. God Bless her, though she is a complete Atheist by nature.
• After Payal, I lost trust in the concept of making best friends. I was rather scared of making friends for life. If the bond was so strong, why people departed ways. Understanding, Trust, Love, Support, Care...What is it that can kill all of it? EGO... During the same years I met a person who was strikingly similar in thoughts and likings. 
• Vivekanand: I never met anyone so same as me.Vivek was my alter ego. He too felt the same. We were shocked every time we had a discussion over something. We hardly argued. (Can't say, if he deliberatly lost the argument!) We were together for a year or so, but I feel good of having discovered true friendship with him. We did have our share of ruthna & manana (fights and reconciliations) like all friends do. 
• Today, we have no contact since months except some emails in between. But I have never felt close to anyone the way I was with him.There has been no fight, no misunderstanding but we are not together. May be I know the reasons (which I prefer to keep to myself). All was well till we found others coming between our friendship. But I still cherish the time and his support. I wish him all the luck for every endeavour he takes up in life. May God bless this Atheist soul. :)      

7 Reasons Why I Don't Fancy Umbrellas In Rain

I don't fancy umbrellas because I love the rain, the way it comes.

It's been years I carried one during rainy season. I have no disliking towards umbrellas as I often use them during summers to protect myself from the scorching heat. But when monsoon arrives, I generally stay away from them. When the raindrops touch my face, I feel a high, comparable to vodka or tequila shots taken on a cold and breezy night!

Though the learned minds would tell you to always keep an umbrella handy, I can tell you some things to enjoy on a rainy day minus the umbrella:

1. If you are with your guy, chances are strong that however khadoos or unromantic he might be, he will get romantic after a walk in the rain. (Personal experience!)
2. There is no better time than this to grab the samosas/ pakoras with a hot cup of road-side chai (tea) after you are all drenched in the rain.
3. A ride on the bike in heavy showers could be really adventurous. (Safety of course is primary.)
4. Go for a movie and reach home late. No umbrella means "I had to wait till the rain stopped."
5. Can be a great time to bring your hidden feelings. Go PROPOSE. Even if you get a NO, you can safely cry in some corner. It's raining, so your tears are barely visible.
6. If you are at home, you can collect all the kids in the colony and make 'kagaz ki kashtiyan'. 
7. And this is my favorite reason: You can just feel yourself. PLAY, DANCE, DO WHATEVER on the street. People know it's the rain effect. ;)

Research says "Water molecules react to the environment. If you are happy, water will be happy too." But remember, if you become sad with rain. Try not to lock yourself in a room. GO out and FACE it!

Rain is for lovers, friends, kids, couples. The only sad part is the TRAFFIC!!! But even the umbrella can't spare you from the horror!

A Man Who Couldn’t Work And A Woman Who Couldn't Cook!

"Women can't cook to save their lives." Controversial British celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay said once in an interview to BBC that more men were learning what to do in the kitchen, while women were more likely to be able to mix a cocktail than cook.

It’s my third year of living in Delhi. When I first shifted to the capital in September 2007, I had no experience buying vegetables. And my cooking skills included boiling eggs and making tea. Thats about it. I lived alone in a small flat in Amar Colony surviving the heat and cold alike for more than a year. I never thought of getting a cook for myself.

Reasons:

1. Food was just a formality to show others I was human :)

2. Night Shifts —  Spoiled my face value and eating habits alike.

3. Money was definately a constraint.

4. And, the most important of all– I had to prove my family (specially my Mom, that I could cook!)

Every girl in almost all parts of this country is expected to be an average cook by the time she completes college. And here I was, didn’t know how to cook daal-chawal (Cooked rice and pulses) even after my PG and 2 years of job. I learned to cook only after living alone. I remember the half cooked rice and half-baked rotis I made initially. My mother was most concerned when I left home. She always asked–”So, what did you eat today? Momos!” After all, half of the hostelers in South Delhi thrive on them.

Now, I cook and cook quite okay. But the truth remains that I do not enjoy cooking. It’s an art, that I can only try to imitate but can’t enjoy. It can be a mechanical job if you don’t enjoy doing it. I am my sister’s biggest fan [for she is a food enthusiast and a great cook. Hope she's reading :D ] She has always been pushing me to learn cooking before I found a pit to fall (oops! I mean marriage). But I always declared, that I would either marry a guy who was less fond of eating at home or would help me in the cumbersome process. Mom always said: Where would you get such a guy?

And I always wondered that even as the biggest chefs in this country are males, the concept of ‘cooking’ at home is strictly associated with the female of the house. Women who either remain slow or incompetent after their marriages in this feat are considered lowly and not-that-great wives! I have inferred this over the years. But why are cooking skills a prerequisite for being a woman, specially when you are married. Can’t you be an average cook and still be a good wife. All you need is an understanding husband, who is not judgmental about your nature. After all, cooking is an art and anyone trying to do that may not reach the A+ level.

Many of my colleagues@work never brought their lunch from home, for their mothers/wives couldn’t get up early to cook. (My mother being the opposite kind. I never saw her missing the tiffin as long as I lived with her, except in extreme conditions ). But that’s normal. Isn’t it? I have heard people making fun and cracking jokes on women who can’t cook, at workplaces. What bothered me was the comparison between their mothers and wives. Every woman, working or housewife, is expected to cook and cook really well. Why? I ask? One of my school friend’s mother didn’t cook good. And that was the reason, she never called me for lunch. Amazing hun! :)

I observed this with many of my friends. They were embarrassed to admit: Their mothers couldn’t cook! We, the makers of this society, have made this the rule. If you are a woman. You ought to cook! If you can’t…you are lacking as a woman. :D

When it comes to men. Their life is no easy.

They can do if they can’t cook. Infact, there are men who shy away from sharing if they do. There’s a strange innuendo of machoism in saying that I can’t cook. (The picture has changed in the metros and to an extent in Tier II cities but most males want their better halves to cook). The picture is different when he’s around his female colleagues. And you know why! :)

For a man, it’s more essential to be working and being the bread earner of the family. A man, however benevolent he might be, earns no respect from the society if he has no money. Again, it’s the gender-biased society that has made these things so very acceptable. I remember my early days spent in Uttar Pradesh’s Ghaziabad district. Our then landlady’s eldest son used to stay in a separate room cut off from the large house and was deprived of all the comforts, available to his younger brothers. His children never played with him and neither was he seen at family functions. I was too young to know the reasons.

Recently realised, it was because he did not earn for the family. His kids were raised by the owner of the house, his mother. He was an irreverent man for everyone. He was just one among several like him in the Indian middle classes, where his manliness is directly associated with his ability to earn. What if a man didn’t want to work? Does that make him pansy? I find it hard to understand…

Everyone on this earth needs to eat, for which he/she/LGBT should cook. For cooking one needs money, that comes after hours of hardwork. So why to divide the roles as Cooking for Woman and Earning for The Man. Let there be a role reversal, let the person decide whether a woman cooks for fun or for family and a man earns due to compassion or compulsion. :) :)

  

I am waiting for some brickbats after this NERVE-WRECKING post!  :P… With Lots of  Love… From My Inner Voice

Originally posted on: http://palsinnervoice.wordpress.com/2010/07/02/a-man-who-couldn’t-work-and-a-woman-who-could not cook/ 

A Tweet To Kill

Blogging is no more personal. At least not on Twitter. The lines between personal and professional are blurring fast. Every time a colleague sends you an invite on a social network, you have no reasons to deny it (and somewhere in your heart you have second thoughts whether to add the person or not). Whatever you post at home, becomes a topic of discussion at workplace. Which most of the times is unwanted.

This just pisses you off. Why can't I have a complete personal profile! You may scream loud inside with a smile on your face. :)

You have no choice buddy! You can run, but you can't hide. I remember my previous boss asking me to follow him on Twitter and even as I readily became his follower. What 'followed' was unimaginable.

Two months after I started my blog, he walked up to me and said I had been blogging too much :D

As if, that was true! He must have been reading all my posts and it was more than clear, that I wanted to leave the job! Twitter just became a tool to point his fingers on me. I had seen seniors blogging and chatting on Facebook and Orkut during office hours, which I never approved of. But as they say, "The thief is the one, who's caught."

But sometimes, you just become a scapegoat! What happened with Shashi Tharoor is well known.

God of Small Things

This is not a book review. But I couldn't find a better title for this. I like to believe in God. He for me has been a belief system since my childhood. But it has took me many years to draw a line between God and Religion. Born a Hindu, I was into fasting and visiting temples quite often. I would even believe in mannats (special prayers offered to a deity) and tieing chunris (cloth made of net). And I must admit that one of my mannats came true after a year's time. Was it destiny or my intense faith in what I had asked for, I still don't know.

Now when I look at it, I have many questions. Do we need God because we are scared or selfish? Why are we always full of demands for a better job, better partner, better friends, more money, more cars and the 'more' list is endless. People who worship in anticipation of good returns can be termed religious but not God lovers. People who love God believe in giving and not asking.

I certainly love God and do not count myself among those who look upto this 'mysterious force' only for favours and gains. I like sharing my every thought with him. I would always tell him how I felt after helping a person in need and also how guilty I was feeling after hurting my closed ones... It's a way of life for me... Many people shun praying and believing after they have had many a heartbreaks in life but my faith on my father has grown in adversities...

I too have had my share of bitter experiences but why to put the blame on him...Nature takes its course... and we have to fight always! I am a nature lover too and so this whole connect with God and Nature has made me a bit more spiritual in outlook. I was inclined to Christianity in my early years and hence got this notion that God is our Real Father. I was attached more to him than my parents, whom I felt were God's chosen ones to give me life, and I believed myself to be God's own daughter. I never before articulated this so strongly but I knew my mother could feel it. It was only when I passed school and came out of my shell that I started looking at God and people differently.

I remember a conversation with a close friend recently about God and Atheists... It was a healthy discussion which turned into a debate and ended with a conclusion that Atheism (the doctrine or belief that there is no God) like Hinduism, Jainism or Christianty is also a faith and should not be challenged or questioned.

This only made me think about all those Atheist friends I have had who had been as happy or as sad as any other Theist on this earth. They have no 'God' in their lives and are living a life like any other normal being. Do people who believe in God more vulnerable to pain? Because when they fail in something, they immediately curse God, or destiny (which they may say is a product made at God's own factory). And they spend their whole life either depending on him or cribbing...But those who don't believe in him, are more free, and know whom to blame... I always felt how incomplete is a person's life without God but my perceptions have changed lately... God or no God should be left to a person's individual choice... Neither parents nor teachers should impose their religious beliefs on to their children... My parents, however, never did this in my young age.

But now when I have issues with religious extremism and don't support it in any form. People in the family make it difficult to have my own opinion. There are ideological clashes and allegations but I survive all of it. Because I believe, religion is a man made institution, made only to serve human interests. That is why religions are many but 'God is One'... All reach the same goal but from different paths...It's upto us which one we choose... And even if we choose to restrain from believing... we shouldn't be questioned... No one should impose...What is needed is not religion and fanatism but harmony and peace in this world...

Some quotes by Gandhiji:

"A religion that takes no account of practical affairs and does not help to solve them is no religion."

"All the religions of the world, while they may differ in other respects, unitedly proclaim that nothing lives in this world but Truth."

"

Faith... must be enforced by reason... when faith becomes blind it dies."

"Each one prays to God according to his own light."

Thousands of years have passed and people around the world are still fighting, killing, dieing in the name of God, whom they have not yet discovered in his true colour. The day they will, all this hatred would stop. Here I pray for World Peace. Amen

Cricket blurring Line of Control for politicians?

India is a democratic country and everyone here has the right to say whatever he or she may feel on any topic or incident. This is what we were told in school and probably that’s what Shah Rukh Khan must have had in mind when he expressed his views on the non-inclusion of Pakistani cricketers in the third season of Indian Premiere League (IPL) . What he said found some support and more criticism in political circles.

What I inferred from the incident is that SRK's ‘free and fair’ opinion on the IPL episode gave a new mudda (issue) to the s(ti)inking Maharashtra politics. Even as some of the leaders of Hindu rightist Shiv Sena said it was not Shah Rukh Khan but the ruling Congress that was making the statements using its association with SRK, the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) used it as an opportunity to attack Amitabh Bachchan for his association with Pakistani artists.

Shiv Saniks held protests infront of Mannat (The Baadshah’s abode in Mumbai) and vandalized posters of his film ‘My Name is Khan.’ Despite assurances by the Maharashtra police and ruling government to the film’s producer Karan Johar, some of the multiplexes had to shut down as the demonstrations started.

A mere statement by one of the most loved actors of this country made him a ‘traitor’ in the eyes of some political goons? And the handicap state government could not provide enough security? What public good does this serve? Can the film, which does not belong to an individual alone, be dragged into a dirty game of such low politics?

It makes me wonder what actually had Shah Rukh said and why didn’t it find any favour with the Shiv Sena and the likes of Bajrang Dal, Vishva Hindu Parishad. ''They are the champions, they are wonderful but somewhere down the line there is an issue and we can't deny it," Khan had told a TV new channel. "We are known to invite everyone. We should have. If there were any issues, they should have been put on board earlier. Everything can happen respectfully. Everyday we blame Pakistan, everyday Pakistan blames us. It is an issue.”

So how many of you feel that he made a mistake? Should he have known that besides being an artist who earns his bread in Shiv Sena's home turf, he's as vulnerable as any other man who speaks his heart, which may not always be liked by the roaring (mourning) tigers of Mumbai.

But as some media reports suggested, My Name Is Khan opened to full houses across the country. This only shows that any educated and sensible being on this earth would not blindly follow whatever hard winged parties like these want them to. These parties are just out for some cheap publicity at the cost of some film actors. The bigger the star, the bigger is the chance to make some news headlines.

What happened to Jodha Akbar, Lajja, Fanna, and the list goes on.... Why is the Election Commission not taking any action against such political parties? Why are these brain dead maggots left open to spill hatred on the streets of this country? They have no development issues left but are busy generating animosity among communities with all their unethical and unconstitutional ways. Political parties and their leaders who paralyse normal life and harass citizens shouldn't be allowed to contest elections.

These are the same parties who burn churches, vandalise public property, kill innocent men and then roam around free, because they regard themselves above the law. They are the real lawbreakers.

It's high time now to stop making statements and do something about it. SRK tweeting a 'regret' after these paper tigers have had their say is not a solution. At least cinema, art and literature should be spared of this horror, generated by a handful of political goondas carrying Trishuls and weapons as if they alone can save this country from evils. Such weak attitude in tackling these mafias in the garb of political parties is only aggravating the problem.

When the Sun became the Moon

Today the Sun looks like the Moon. Shying away like a child, hiding behind the foggy morning. Nature evokes good thoughts.

After a hectic night shift at office, a sight of deep red roses bundled for sale at some unknown market, took all the tiredness away from me. I could feel the freshness in my soul. This is not the first time, I felt this. I believe in nature… I believe in its connection with all beings on this Earth. Only those who let go of all the impurities of mind and soul can communicate with nature.

A day before Republic Day, the morning was bright. I was looking at the Sun from the window seat in the bus, but I was blinded. So I just thought of feeling its presence, without looking in his eyes. I like the Sun as much as I like summers, may be because am a June-born. But I also like the Moon and the stars and almost everything the nature has displayed on its face to talk to us…

Since my childhood, I loved the rain. I felt liberated when I danced in rain. With time and recurrent experiences, I started feeling that nature cried with me, whenever it found me deeply hurt. And then rains made me scared at times as Ididn't like hurting nature with my sadness.

There are zillions of things, happening every single day, but not everything has the power to hurt us… It’s we who give this power to someone to find the space, where he/she or it can get as close as hurting us…

But nature has the power to heal every wound… Nature can interact with us… provided our souls are full of love and empathy… As Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist that all of us are part of the Soul of the World… I have been able to meet such people in this life… It’s not magic, but no less than a miracle.

But those who are bound with ego and lust for money, fame and all the materialistic pleasures of life are never able to experience this miracle… Hitherto, I never articulated this to anyone, but after reading The Alchemist, I felt like sharing this with everyone… Some of you may discard this as pure gibberish but my friends, if you do not believe me, try it one day and you will understand me then.

The day you’ll listen to your heart, you will know that the nature talks to you in its own special ways…

Are men control freaks?

For long, women have been tagged as control freaks in jokes and everyday conversation among men. The fairer sex is seen as the I-am-always-right kind between the two. But is that the reality in our Indian families? Do women really want to control things or they simply don’t want to be controlled by their partners?

My mind has long been captured by the thought that it’s the woman, most of the times, who either by faith or by oblivion gives the control of her life in the hands of the man she trusts the most.

In a normal middle class set up, women till date do not have much say in matters of finance. Though there could be exceptions in some cases, the monetary decisions are made by the mukhiya (male head) in the house. The woman could be the Ba, Bahu or Baby (The wife of the patriarch, the daughter-in-law or the girl child) in the family. They are so accustomed to do what is told to them since their growing years that they actually become used to living such a life. ‘Ignorance is Bliss’ as we say!

Most of the women in India live a life designed by the men in their life…their father at the growing stage, then their husband and finally their son (s). Some of them seem to live like this without even being aware of this bonded labour.

My mother, who hails from a small village in Uttarakhand, is a college drop out. Her father decided not to send her to college, which was located in the city, a good enough reason for him to deny her admissions. Her mother didn’t have a say in this… Then a family tragedy and my mother spent more than a year at home. Two years later when she managed to get the forms on her own and take admissions…she must have known that she will have to give in to the wishes of her father…Same year she got married.

Despite initial support by my father to have her complete her Bachelors degree…She didn’t relent. I am not sure if her in-laws knew of this. She was still adjusting to the city life and was more than scared to do so. My grandfather, who has been a teacher himself, didn’t interact much with the women in the family, for reasons best known to him.

My mother is 50 now and is an avid follower of socio-political news. In fact, it was she who inculcated the interest for journalism in me…Two years back, when I filled in for a Masters at IGNOU, I tried to convince her for a BA degree in Political Science but she said it was too late... She couldn’t memorise what she read now. Though she never went to college, she keeps herself engaged watching the latest news breaks on television…

But I really wish, she should have been given a chance to do her college given the fact that my uncle, her elder brother, has served as a District Judge at many cities of Bihar including Patna.

I wonder why none of her sisters ever wanted to study further. Not for the sake of doing a job but just for attaining liberation…Liberation of the mind…Well, may be they were never told education was for all…

Most of the women never attempt to cross the virtual line of dos and don’ts prescribed by their fathers…I gather this from what I have seen in most of the Indian families…Since we have a woman President of India, a woman national party President, a woman Speaker and also a woman Leader of Opposition in the upper house of Parliament, we may have the feeling that times are changing…They surely are… but if we look deeper we realize that at the grass root level, there is still a man who is remote controlling the woman at the political front.

A year ago, I met a man from Rajasthan working in the Finance Ministry in Delhi. He got married at 13 with a girl even younger…It wasn’t very difficult to understand that he had completed his studies, while his wife had to drop out from school. But what he told next was an eye-opener…He had got his wife complete her studies privately for saving himself from the embarrassment that he may have to face in social gatherings. Had he really cared about educating her…he would not have restricted her to study only till class 12^th.

This is not a lone case…Families in two and three tier cities are no different…Engineering and Civil Services for boys and B.Ed or NTT for girls seems to be the obvious choice for many parents even today. Girls who cross the Laxman Rekha as defined by their parents have to make many efforts to convince them of their caliber.

Some may agree and some may not…After all, we think what we see…When I decided to join the Media world, I got maximum support from my mother, while my father chose to be indifferent. He has never had a defining influence in my life in making choices, deciding the right and the wrong. He neither objected to my ways nor ever supported. He just kept silent…so silent that we have actually started talking after a gap of nine years. What I have inferred is that my independent streak cost me my relationship with my father.

Does that mean that harmony and peace can exist in families where there is lack of ‘democracy’ and no ‘gender equality’? This may seem debatable to many but I would like to share an incident to make my point clear.

A close friend of my childhood days always told me that her father was “her best friend” and that she was the apple of his eyes. She wasn’t very close to her mother instead. But as she grew up and entered the so called “marriageable” age, her father wanted her to tie the knot as early as possible. All her cousins got married immediately after their school or maximum by their graduation. She is the only girl in her family who did a PG Diploma in Business Management. And also the only who went for an NTT course after a PGDBM!!!

Again, the age old problem of not sending young girls to the city everyday. When the girl tried to buy time to prepare herself for marriage, her father almost stopped talking to her, even as she saw the attitude of her brothers (both of them younger to her) gradually changing towards her…

Things became normal when she relented. She is now married and teaches at a school nearby.

Another friend who had a great relationship with everyone in the family, today is a lonely soul among the same people she’s grown up with. This is the cost she had to pay to be in love with a boy of another caste. Two men’s egos screwed up her whole life. Her father and her lover... In all her growing up years she had been taking tuitions and teaching kids to support her family with an extra income… Now when the time came for her to decide things for herself… Her family especially her father didn’t give in… The mothers of the girl and the boy had given their nod if only it was enough… But it was the father who decided for her MBA daughter that all she had been thinking and doing was wrong and getting married to her lover would only mean that she may never enter her house again…After several days of contemplation, she decided of never meeting or talking to the same guy. But this decision of hers wasn’t acceptable to the boy. Being unsatisfied of her answer, he called her to a temple nearby and thought he would change her mind. After assuring her that they were meeting for the last time, she sat inside the boy’s car. After a while, as the boy felt that he was unable to change her decision, he drove his car as fast as he could and almost hijacked her to her sister’s place. Leaving her there, he went ahead for a job interview. The girl was totally in dismay at her lover’s shameful act. She didn’t have any way to contact (after her father had taken away her mobile phone) anyone. Half the day passed and her parents were tired calling at the boy’s number, which he had put on silent because of his interview.

Later in the day, when the girl’s brother spoke to the boy, the girl was brought home robbed of her dignity. As the guy stepped out his car with the girl, he saw what could put any lover to shame.

The girl’s father slapped her in front of everyone, including the guy, his sister and brother-in-law and also the girl’s younger brother. That was the last day they saw each other…

This was a real incident which made me feel that it takes more than just education and money to be self sufficient. Since we see women going forward in all spheres today we tend to forget that we still are living in a male-dominated society... where it's always the man who is making the decisions as to whether or not his wife or daughter will continue to work... whether or not they should go for higher studies... what is good or better for them, and so on...

What begins as a feeling of caring and protection gradually takes shape of dictatorship where it's the man who's making all the rules and what remains for the rest is to follow without raising a voice... sometimes knowingly and sometimes unaware....

But I believe that the values we get from our parents make us the way we are and the values the society gives us make us better parents. And it’s the values we inculcate that shape the society. In short, the society can change only when we decide to change. Men have to give space to their better halves to have an equal say in making decisions… for a better society. What is good or bad for a man is as good or as bad for a woman. And this has to be determined by the individual irrespective of his or her sex. After all, men of quality are not scared of equality.