There Is A Little Me In Every You

This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins. Please vote : http://www.indiblogger.in/getpublished/idea/515/

Pic Courtesy: weheartit.com

Prerna Anand, a lower middle class girl from Meerut city, wanted to be a Television Anchor ever since she passed her intermediate. Her mother insisted, the world was murky out there. But she just won’t listen. Her father felt, teaching was the best a woman should do after marriage.

Prerna’s dreams got bigger when she met Pratik at her Mass Communication college. She was immensely in love and was clear in her mind to have a life with him. Pratik’s confidence in her and his promises gave wings to her desires. “I have so many contacts. You can get a job any day in Media,” he said. Life would have been perfect had he not disappeared leaving her forsaken on the last day of college. She felt humiliated. Her trust had shaken and so was she from the inside. No one at home wanted her to leave for Delhi, where her destiny awaited. Finally, her best friend Kashish convinced everyone and took her to her mansion in Sundar Nagar. Rounds of interviews and auditions began. Prerna was undoubtedly beautiful and a hard-working fresher. She didn’t get a job for six months. Her father was adamant to call her back to Meerut. “Maine toh pehle hi kaha thha, mere paas faltoo paise nahin tumhare dilli ghoomne ke liye. Chup chaap wapas aa jao,” and he hung up the phone.

Prerna felt isolated. She committed suicide but survived. This infuriated Kashish’s businessman father to issue an order not to allow any friends to stay at their place. She had to move out. She managed to get a PG with Kashish’s support. She cut off from her family. No one came to see her hearing about her suicide. Her mother had only wished she could, as she whispered over the phone.

She was down but not out. She kept looking for jobs. Heartbreak had made her pursue her dreams more passionately. She grew more and more egoistic looking at the world around. When everyone else was busy thinking about themselves, why should she compromise with her dreams?

Some more interviews and then came a job that changed her life forever.

She met Sanjay Jumani, Channel Head, Indian News. He was a through professional. She spent two years at this job. Growing from an intern to a reporter and then finally becoming the face of the channel. Sanjay was fond of her and her hard work. He often gave her gifts in appreciation for her achievements. Prerna had now moved in to a society flat in Greater Kailash. Sanjay had alone decided to get married to Prerna. He thought she was okay with the idea. He came often to pick her up for office. And drop her without fail. Sometimes, he stayed back. Prerna too liked him but had not decided on marriage.

When she declined his proposal, Sanjay couldn’t take it. He pulled her by her hair and shouted, “Why were you feeding on my gifts for two years? If you were not ready to marry me?”

Again, the same ‘me’ had come on her way. Why was every one so bothered about the ‘me’ that they had completely forgotten about the other ‘you’. She disappeared from Sanjay’s life just as Pratik had, without giving him any explanation.

For five years, she remained ardently anti men. But now, the lines between hatred for men and her love for women were blurring. All this had happened because she was finally in love.

When every man in her life, beginning from her Dad, had refused to understand her, she had begun to think about marriage. She had finally met a man who was sensitive and mature. When she expressed her desire to settle down with him, he refused.

Was it because of her family background or her credentials? Had Siddhartha come to know about her past? What deterred him to tie the nuptial knot with her?

When all humans relinquished her, only her pet, Tubelight, stood till the end. May be because only dogs don’t see the “little me in every you.” If you wish to read the full story, please vote http://www.indiblogger.in/getpublished/idea/515/

What Makes This Story ‘Real’ – 

The glamour world is unkind, more so if you are a woman. Millions of small town girls with dreamy eyes come to join the Television industry but are forced to go by the rules. Those who refuse to compromise are either left half-hearted or go through a lot of muck.

Extract - She met all sorts of people at various Production Houses in Delhi. Most of them wanted to offer her a job but with some preconditions. One of them promised her one time payment of Rupees 5,000 for presenting a celeb night at Shimla, provided she had to stay a day extra after the event. Prerna had just faced the harsh realities of the glam world.

End-note: "This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India."

Why is Marriage so inevitable in India?

Views expressed here are personal. Not intended to offend anyone willing to marry or already married. Read on.

The vicious circle

People marry for sex? People marry for financial security? Or, people marry because it’s vital for survival and acceptance in society. Whatever the reasons may be, marriage in itself has no meaning. It is a means to achieve goals, not an end in itself, I feel.

Mostly, we marry for self-gratification, to prove our worth to the world. People who marry late or don’t marry at all have to face irksome questions. Despite all efforts, they fail to satisfy others of their choice of single hood.

People who remain single are either judged as sadists or psychic. Except those who dedicate their life to a cause. Rest for everyone, staying unmarried is looked upon with suspicion.

The problem is with the age-old mentality that has been obsessed with the tradition of kinship. For years, women have been an integral resource to extend the family tree, of which they are not even considered a part. They are supposed to serve as a silent spectator. This is the core reality of most of the rural India. The irony is that women themselves are content to play this role.

Despite all this, women love to marry. For many, marriage seems to be a “safe passage” to break the monotony of a tiresome middle-class life. By the time they reach 25, it becomes almost indispensable for them to leave their homes and “look outward”. It may also be due to the family members’ changing behavior towards them. A new home, new room (though, with a partner) and a whole new wardrobe seems exciting. For men, the reasons may be otherwise.

But as they say, nothing comes for free. All the fallacy associated with marriage vanishes after the encounter with reality. Be it a working woman or a home-maker, challenges are myriad. But she accepts it in exchange of the other benefits.

Those unable to cope up with the changes either land in divorce or an embittered marriage.

Family upbringing and cultural background play a great role in an individual’s perception about marriage. Looking at the number of cross-culture marriages in my family, I have come to believe that marriage should be considered a “personal” rather than a “family affair”.

However, even if a person marries for family's sake, ultimately he/she becomes part of the larger section of society that advocates marriage. Marriage is a legal arrangement between two people to stay together without being poked by the society. That's what differentiates it  from a “Live-in” relationship. 

“Live-ins” do not come with a bond nor garner the same respect as marriages in India. A married couple, however estranged, gets more societal support than a live-in couple in love.  The trend we say is catching up, but the patriarchal mindset hasn’t changed much. When I say “patriarchal”, I am referring to every man and woman who may possess this mentality.

When two people stay together, under marriage or Live-in the need for a child is inevitable. To have a child out of wed-lock in India has legal implications. Moreover, both the partners may not even agree.

Therefore, one needs to marry to have a child. Again marriage becomes a "means" to get your need fulfilled. Adoption is seen as an alternative but every child deserves the love and care of both the parents. Hence, I do not advocate being a single mother if there is an option to marry.

For men, passing on the family name is a responsibility. They have to marry for family’s sake. It’s not that boys don’t fight for love marriages; they might be few who fight for marriage. They do not face as many questions as girls do, even if they marry at 30.

Marriage is a single word holding different meaning for different people at different points in their life. Still I would say, it has implications in the long run but no meaning on the surface.

Waiting: Endless Slumber

I have been thinking for the last 10 days, why am I waiting. Waiting to get my first story book published, waiting for a change in professional life. That coveted 'creative satisfaction' in life.

This waiting is endless. I know I can write, and express situations and feelings through words. But aren’t there millions waiting to be the next Booker Winner! So how does one quantify the importance of waiting?

Who cares, if my books don’t turnout to be a ‘Bestseller’. At least, it would satisfy my quest to write. A walk inside a book store today made me feel guilty, guilty of not doing enough for myself.

I don’t want to wait anymore. Those who wait, never reach their goal. Waiting is like an endless sleep. We wait for that special moment, that special person but fail to address it when it actually arrives. And sometimes, waiting underplays the goal itself. Waiting for things beyond our control seems worthless to me. 

We can make it, only when we are awake. So if you have a target, don’t wait. Start working for it. I am a bad manager with time. And that’s what is coming between me and my goal.

But I have woken up from the slumber. I shall begin my work now.

बस एक शिकायत है

हम तो सबको समझाएं,
मगर कोई हमें जब समझाए,
हम घबरा क्यों जाते हैं ?
उलझनें सबकी सुलझा कर,
हम ख़ुद उलझते जाते हैं.

है ज़िंदगी बड़ी या उसका दुख बड़ा,
जो समझ गया बस वही खड़ा,
बाक़ी सब टूटते जाते हैं.

है ख़ुद से बस यही शिकायत,
हम तो सबको समझाएं,
मगर कोई हमें जब समझाए,
हम घबरा क्यों जाते हैं ?

Meri Khushi

मेरी हंसी भी तुम, मेरी ख़ुशी भी तुम...
मेरी हंसी भी तुम, मेरी ख़ुशी भी तुम...
तुम बिन नहीं है कुछ, कुछ नहीं तुम बिन...

मेरी हंसी भी तुम, मेरी ख़ुशी भी तुम...
जीना तुमही से है, तुमपर है ये ख़त्म...
सांसे थमने लगी, रुकने लगी धड़कन..

मेरी हंसी भी तुम, मेरी ख़ुशी भी तुम...
तुम बिन नहीं है कुछ, कुछ नहीं तुम बिन...

मुझमें हूं मैं कहां, मुझमें हो तुम ही तुम
मुझमें हो तुम ही तुम, मुझमें हो तुम ही तुम
तुम बिन नहीं है कुछ, कुछ नहीं तुम बिन...

Meri Khushi (Audio)

Wish I Was 22 Again

आज फिर से दिल करता है कि 5 साल पीछे चली जाउं...ऐसा क्या था 5 साल पहले जो अब नहीं है?

पांच साल पहले मैंनें मीडिया में क़दम रखा था. उस वक्त न सिर्फ मुझमें काम के प्रति ज़्यादा उत्साह था बल्कि ज़िंदगी में कामयाब होने की एक ललक थी...उस वक्त एक 'ज़िदंगी' ऑफिस के बाहर भी हुआ करती थी...मुझे याद नहीं कि कभी दफ्तर की कोई टेंशन मैं बाहर लेकर आई.

22 साल की उम्र में 'शादी' जैसा बड़ा फ़ैसला कर लिया था मैंने...पहली नौकरी और पहली रिलेशन्शिप....यह 'पंचनामा' इसलिए क्योंकि एक नई बॉलीवुड फिल्म ने मुझे कॉलेज के तुरंत बाद के दिनों की याद दिला दी...दिल्ली शहर में लाइफ कैसी है...जैसे हम हैं बिल्कुल वैसी. जब हम ख़ुश तो सारा शहर मानो जश्न मनाता हो...और जब हम ग़मज़दा तो जैसे हर कोई अपनी तन्हाई में डूबा हुआ. एक दूसरे का हाल पूछने की किसी को फुरसत ही नहीं. पांच साल में कई दोस्त बने, कई पुराने दोस्त छूट गए.

मग़र आज यह फिल्म देखकर एहसास हुआ कि ‘दोस्ती’ तो निभाई जा सकती है मग़र ‘रिलेशन्शिप्स’...बाप रे बाप...जैसे फिल्म के एक किरदार ने कहा: “Relationship means an end to your own happiness…” वाकई, उस उम्र में तो क्या किसी भी उम्र में रिश्ते निभाना “is a hell of a job”.

प्यार को समझने में ही एक उम्र निकल जाती है...जिसे हम प्यार समझ बैठते हैं वो अकसर एक ज़रुरत होती है...किसी ‘छलावे’ के पीछे हम अपना सब कुछ लुटा देते हैं और फिर कुछ हाथ न लगने पर या तो ख़ुदको कोसते हैं या सामने वाले को...वैसे ख़ुदको ज़िम्मेदार मानने वाले समझदार कम ही होंगे...अपनी बात करुं तो रिलेशन्शिप ख़त्म होने के कई साल तक मैं अपने आपको ही ज़िम्मेदार मानती रही...लेकिन सिर्फ रिलेशन्शिप ओवर होने का उसके असफल होने का  नहीं. अलग होने का फ़ैसला मेरा था लेकिन रिश्ते की नाक़ामयाबी का ठीकरा मैंने उसके सर मढ़ दिया. “मुझे वो ख़ुश नहीं रख पाया...” यही सोचकर में आगे बढ़ गई. मगर इन 5 सालों में शादी के कई प्रस्तावों के बावजूद मैं ख़ुदको किसी से जोड़ नहीं सकी... शायद मैं आगे बढ़ ही नहीं पाई थी.

मैं बिना किसी रिलेशन्शिप के भी वैसी ही थी जैसे रिलेशन्शिप के दौरान...तब समझ में आया कि ख़ुदको ख़ुश रखने की ज़िम्मेदारी हमारी अपनी है...फिल्म में हीरो जब कहता है कि “इन लड़कियों को कोई ख़ुश नहीं रख सकता...” तब लगा कि अगर हर लड़का इसी मानसिकता से पीड़ित रहेगा तो न तो कभी ख़ुद ख़ुश रहेगा और न लड़की को ख़ुश रख सकेगा...एक बात है औरतें ‘ख़ुश करने’ की मंशा से कोई काम नहीं करती...वो बस वही करती हैं जो उन्हें सही लगता है.. हां मगर सही-गलत का फ़ैसला उनका अपना होता है...और सारी ‘प्रॉब्लम’ ही यहीं से शुरु होती हैं...

मुझे अपने अलग होने के फ़ैसले पर कोई अफसोस नहीं मगर दिल करता है कि एक बार फिर 22 की हो जाउं और 'ज़िदंगी' फिर से शुरु करुं...इस बार किसी छलावे में नहीं बल्कि होश और समता में जीवन को सही ढंग से जीने के लिए...

2010: Eleven Days

It's the 12th day of 2010, and am still living in the memories of 2009... The many things I went through...the people I met...the decisions I made... all of it...I started the year with Avatar...this cud possibly be the best way to start 2010, I thought...but... Am just not getting the kick from inside...what has changed except the dates...

The 31st night was better this time...I didn't have to stay at office unlike last year (Yes! I did a graveyard shift on the last day of 2008.) The morning was chilly and foggy...but the way the day grew...it actually made me realise a few things...It's been four years since I have been working but haven't done anything for my career... Just two companies in four years?

Jaago balike! I told myself...I was thinking how me and my pals used to talk about 2010 some 3-4 years back... like we had some big plans to be executed in the next decade...But shit! 2010 has already come and Eleven days!! (Mind you, it's close to a week) have passed without a tweet in the heart...

I feel I am still living in the past decade...and it's not such a happy feeling...

The only thing 'new' around is the 'year'... but there are some constructive ideas i got on day 1...First was to make this year and the coming years a lot better than the 25 years I have already seen in life...

I have discovered Yoga!! -- An eternal path of bliss to fight the stress and do all that i want to...U know what...i shud have published my story book (My own baby) by this year's beginning but I havnt even finished up wid the text... but this is a challenge for me now which I have to win!

I finished the decade with a 22-day holiday which i will rmbr for the rest of my life...Before u think I hit the beaches of Pataya or Bali (The most common holiday spots for economical travelers like me) ...let me tell u that I was infected with Dengue and was out of office in the whole of November... The 8-day stay in the hospital made me more aware of myself and my health...The answer to this was again in Meditation and Yoga!

The biggest thing in life for me is to fly... not like the Pandora creatures in Avatar ...but surely in thoughts...I see myself as a good and famous Writer in 2020... And i have to get things right in 2010 to reach where i aim in next 10 years...

I have seen a lot of good things in last 25 years and 6 mths that I have been on this Earth but it's time for action in 2010... as I finish this blog...I am getting butterflies and kicks in my stomach...The journey to 2020 has begun....