Deja Vu: The New Meera

Some things in life can actually be bigger than your "dream job". The way Jai in the film Love Aaj Kal was losing interest in his work, I am getting a deja vu these days.

I don't have even an iota of doubt that I am in a better place among better people. But I miss something very crucial. There were days when I had so many people to talk to, but there was no quality, no substance in my talks. Today when I am happy, the absence of someone who made me realise what "quality in life" is, leaves me pondering.

For long I thought, love is an "emotion" that makes one weak and so one should never fall in love. But I am happy, time has proved me wrong. What can make one weak are emotions attached to a person. Love in its real form can be a great source of inspiration. "Love is not an emotion. It's a way of life," he always told me.

You have "to love" and not "be in love" to believe this. Sounds crazy, but I can assure it's not that difficult. Emotions make you "stick" to something or someone. Love makes you "let go".  Today, I derive all my inspiration to do better in life from his thoughts. This is what keeps me going.

But as I grow as a person and as a professional, I miss his presence the most. Today, when I have things to share. I don't find him anywhere. He has gone away...but his thoughts and teachings have made me a more mature and stronger human being. He had always been a mentor, and also my biggest critic. The most valuable guidance came from him.

Though I miss him with a smile on my face, I am scared this may someday affect my enthusiasm to work. Jai came back to Meera in the climax. But I have become the new Meera, who loves loving her 'muse' without feeling intoxicated with emotions.

Peeli Roshni: The Light of Happiness

पीली सी उस रोशनी में एक बार नहाई थी मैं...जाने वो कौन सा मोड़ था जहां मंजिल खो गयी, फिर ना वो रात आई, ना कभी सहर हुई... खो गयी मैं चलते-चलते उस पीली रोशनी की तलाश में...     

Sometimes your heart declines to emote...there is a strange void. An emptiness that neither kills nor cures... Almost what Shakespeare's Hamlet felt: "I'm sad because I'm not happy..."
Unable to feel the emotions that run deep inside...the heart seems static...eyes blank. Looking at the clouds she wonders if it would rain again. A strange connect she has with water... almost imitating her feelings.

But it's been days, the rain doesn't seem to touch a chord in her heart the way water stays on an oily surface but fails to slip inside... she has not been sad in the real sense... nor can she feel the happiness... She stands numb in her balcony looking at the wet leaves on the tree. She doesn't know what she wants now...Giving away the happy feeling to make someone happy...yet be happy... is it possible...she just wonders...
She can't see the way but the road on which she walks, in search of the yellow light she once saw...

Who's Your Best Friend?

I have always had BEST FRIENDS since my childhood. The funny part is that they keep changing with time. This makes me doubt the whole concept of a "best friend".

If we go by definitions: Best Friend is the one friend who is closest to you. Which possibly means that we can have multiple friends but only one who can be the best. But does that mean, calling someone the best restricts our ability to make more such best friends?     

  

This friendship week, I have been thinking about all my best friends (people who were closest to me at different points in time). Most of them today, are either busy or somewhere far away. As I remember all of them today, I dedicate this Friendship Day to all those who have given their love and support in times of need. I cherish the time and their friendship forever. 

Here's a list of my friends in chronological order:

• Tanvi Arora alias Tannu: My first best friend in life. We have grown up together and share some of the most memorable moments like eating Maggi under the table with classes full on, and being part of a skit where she played a vegetable and I played Apple. (We actually wore Tori and Apple cutouts on our heads! Wish I could share the pics). I changed the school after Class II while she came to my new school only after Vth.
• Gina Joseph: Class IV-VI (As she left school; we became pen pals but later with college and distance the friendship went into oblivion)
• Charu: Class VI-VII
• Sheetal Chawla: Class VIII-X
• Payal Aggarwal: Class XI-XII
• Sheetal Chawla: Unbreakable bond brought me back to her after school.
• Saurabh Bhatia: My first male friend in life and also the first I met in college. (For three years of our graduation we supported each other through thick and then...As we grew up...so grew our convictions...Since we always agree to disagee on almost everything, life has given us different paths which we hardly cross. I wish him good health and a better mind...Cheers!)
• Sheetal Chawla: Despite being in touch, we weren't able to meet much due to different friend circles. Our recess was aggravating. Though I tried to bridge the gap, I couldn't revive the earlier magic of school time.
• Payal Aggarwal: After a five-year hiatus (3 years of college + 1 year of PG + 1 year of job), we met again. This time for an even better and closer relationship. She coined the term PGGF (Permanent Good Girl Friend) and we made a promise to never let go of this golden friendship. But as nothing is permanent, my PGGF decided to go away one fine day and as I believe "Love should not be forced upon", I let her go. She is happily married and lives in Delhi with her in-laws. I always wish good for her. God Bless her, though she is a complete Atheist by nature.
• After Payal, I lost trust in the concept of making best friends. I was rather scared of making friends for life. If the bond was so strong, why people departed ways. Understanding, Trust, Love, Support, Care...What is it that can kill all of it? EGO... During the same years I met a person who was strikingly similar in thoughts and likings. 
• Vivekanand: I never met anyone so same as me.Vivek was my alter ego. He too felt the same. We were shocked every time we had a discussion over something. We hardly argued. (Can't say, if he deliberatly lost the argument!) We were together for a year or so, but I feel good of having discovered true friendship with him. We did have our share of ruthna & manana (fights and reconciliations) like all friends do. 
• Today, we have no contact since months except some emails in between. But I have never felt close to anyone the way I was with him.There has been no fight, no misunderstanding but we are not together. May be I know the reasons (which I prefer to keep to myself). All was well till we found others coming between our friendship. But I still cherish the time and his support. I wish him all the luck for every endeavour he takes up in life. May God bless this Atheist soul. :)