My Saturday Blog: Don't Pray For Daughters

Sorry for being away, yet again. This week's blog is very disturbing yet it's very real. Not once or twice but several times I feel that the society does not deserve daughters. Saving the girl child in the womb is one thing. And preparing the world for her is another. All we do is prepare her for the world.

We hardly talk about how we can make this world better and more sensitive for her to survive. Yes, survive. A girl is born, some parents are happy some are not, but she survives. She says she wants to study further, some accept but some reject saying it would be a waste of time and money. She goes to school and tells her parents that some boys harass her, they tell her to take few days leave or change the route.

In a village, when the girl says she's got her first periods and there are no toilets. They say don't go to school instead. Now switch to cities where schools and colleges have all the amenities, girls face eve-teasing or molestation at every level. The walls of girls' toilets are full of gross caricatures of men's private parts scribbled on them.

The buses, the autos, the tempos they take to commute are not designed keeping them in mind. A normal CNG auto has capacity of six including driver of which only 3 can be taken by a girl. If the co-passenger is heavy and aged, the actual seat capacity comes down to 2. Girls almost daily commute in pathetic conditions, sandwiched and touched by unknown and unlimited number of male passengers on a daily basis.

I remember commuting by train during my journalism days in 2004-05. How I was scared to climb up or down the stairs, every time I had to board or deboard the train. It was a task to reach the ladies coach, many a times, the train stopped early and I had to board the general coach. How hundreds of eyes scanned the girls. I heard someone talking in the general compartment: Boys are not allowed in ladies coach then why girls are allowed here. Then we have to give our seat as well. So, this was a compromise which they didn't want to make.

Be it yesterday, today or tomorrow. Till the time people do not welcome women in public domain, nothing is going to change. Be it wee hours of the day or late at night, why can't we make the journey of woman from home to work and vice versa safer and comfortable.    

The gangrape of a 23-year old married woman in Gurugram and murder of her 9-month old baby has left most of us shocked. I say most of us, because a majority of them are still arguing whether she should have taken the shared auto with male occupants or not. Also, that it was a secluded stretch. 

Instead of looking at the atrocity with which the culprits committed the crime, all we have to say is that she should not have left her house at midnight. All three men held the crying infant choking her and causing her death before throwing her on the divider.

Had it been a busy road, and the driver would have been sober, can anyone guarantee that such an incident would not have happened? If you have doubts, read next.

Jun 9, 2017: In Mumbai's Thane, a male co-passenger in a shared auto-rickshaw allegedly molested a 23-year-old woman and then threw her out of the vehicle. The victim sustained injuries and was helped by passersby and taken to the hospital.

Aug, 2014: A 24-year-old software professional had suffered serious injuries when she jumped off a moving auto rickshaw in Thane after the driver allegedly tried to abduct her. The incident had also taken place around 9.15 pm, when she boarded the vehicle at Kapurbawdi Naka. (Source: Indiatimes)

Such incidents only expose the state of public transport in India. Not every woman, working or non-working, can afford a vehicle of her own. And has to take a cab, train, bus or auto to commute. We keep telling our daughters to come home on time but we never thought of making public transport safe for her.

You may say, how can we change the society? Government should do something about it. Well, a good or bad society has nothing to do with politics. Society is made by us not the Government. How many parents discuss molestation, physical assault and rape with their male child. All that we hear is that it's difficult to raise a girl, since she's vulnerable to sexual abuse. This is not her fault, it is our failure as a society. Instead of telling our boys how to behave, we find it easy to find faults with a girl's attire, her body language.

Here's an incident that took place in 2003-04 in broad daylight. I was on my way back from college. Some miscreants boarded the DTC bus, I was in. In just few minutes, they started teasing a girl who was sitting opposite me. Nobody but an aged uncle objected. This guy came close, pulled his eyelashes and twisted back. Uncle shouted in pain. All of us were taken aback. The girl was completely silent. I thought, what that guy would have done had she raised her voice. No one dared to utter a word. After a while, he deboarded. We took a sigh of relief.

Today, when I recall the horror. I feel if the driver had stopped the bus and asked the wrongdoer to deboard immediately, it would have discouraged a lot of other demons in disguise. 

We need to stop this nuisance. And both women and men have to raise their voice. Even till date, I mostly commute by shared autos and 99.9% times there are no female occupants at 9 pm. Once when I boarded a cab from Vaishali Metro station, the driver in the middle of the conversation said: "Madam, don't take shared autos. It is not safe."

If you are bound by work to leave late, how can you decide that the auto, bus or cab you take will be safe. Being self dependent can help but not much. Till the time, males around the country don't accept that women also have the right to earn, right to live and enjoy their life, things will not change. A woman goes out of choice or is forced to go out to feed her children is a subjective matter. 

Majority of men in India, still feel women are better off at home. And they take to rape as way to protest. And I am not referring to any godmen, gurus and fanatic politicians who keep making misogynist comments about working women.

Our policemen, who also come from the same male-dominated society, can help make us feel safe instead of harassing us when something bad happens. Rotten mentality and empty spaces damage more than poorly lit streets and vacant spaces in the city.

Here are few more incidents of rape in India where the evil was completely unexpected. None is less horrific than the other.

Feb 1, 2011: An employee of a Kochi shopping mall was travelling in a ladies coach on the Ernakulam-Shoranur passenger train. She was attacked and pushed off the train by a man only to be raped near Vallathol Nagar. She succumbed to injuries at the Government Medical College Hospital, Thrissur, on February 6 that year. (Source: Times of India)

Dec 16, 2012: A 23-year old paramedical student was brutally beaten and raped on her way back from Saket to Dwarka. After a week of treatment, she died in a hospital in Singapore. All the six people were arrested and one of them Ram Singh committed suicide in trial period in jail. Four of them were hanged, the young boy who was 17 years and six months old on the day of the incident was sent to a juvenile home. The juvenile was released on 20 December, 2015. (Source: Wikipedia)

Aug 22, 2013: A 22-year old photojournalist was gang-raped by five people, including a juvenile, when she had gone to the deserted Shakti Mills compound, in South Mumbai, with a male colleague on an assignment. (Source: Wikipedia)

My Saturday Blog: Blurring lines between Anchors and Actors

The line between Anchors and Actors seems to be blurring. Today, Anchors try to act bringing in all the possible melodrama in their prime time debates. Sometimes they are angry, sometimes emotional. But they hardly look closer to reality. The way they break news itself seems to be abysmal.

Actors meanwhile are connecting with their fans, also their potential viewers, on their own. Thanks to the new age marvel called social media. Not just film promotions but a glimpse of their fitness regime, their travel journals, latest project or a funny video message has become the norm.

I had decided to become a Television Anchor by the time I was in my late teens. Though, I had absolutely no idea what the job would be like. I had a photogenic face, good voice and decent knowledge of current affairs.

After my graduation in English Literature, I pursued a diploma in TV Journalism. With no contacts in Media and a lot of confidence in myself, I knocked every media house’s door but couldn’t land a job for me. After five years as a Copy Editor with a news agency and a web portal, I did become an Anchor.

Today, many of my old colleagues have their own YouTube channels. They write blogs, some have even launched their own websites. They are a star in their own might with the number of followers increasing by the day. The advent of social media has certainly changed the meaning of communication.

When it comes to Actors, they are no more dependent on entertainment magazines or TV Channels for marketing themselves. Today, they may not have to call for a press conference for any clarification. A-140-character statement on Twitter is suffice. Though, many recent controversies that began by a tweet ended up with a press conference.

A new era of brand building for Actors has begun which has, in some way, reduced the importance of Electronic Media. Also, because Media-shy Actors find it easy to communicate with their fans through pictures and videos on Instagram. Rather than sitting in front of a fierce journalist and answering questions which eventually go beyond the film concerned. This might not hold true for everyone but Anchors, several times, take the film promotion to a different level. These days, Actors prefer to appear on Reality and Comedy shows for promotion rather than give an exclusive TV interview.

A perfect way, however, would be a round-the-clock promotion on all mediums. Actors today choose their own medium to communicate. Some Actors still find it difficult to handle social media since everything here is LIVE, even the reactions, which can sometimes be very rude.

Most of the 90s Actresses like Pooja Bhatt, Manisha Koirala, Karisma Kapoor, Raveena Tandon and Shilpa Shetty are active on Instagram. Recently, when Katrina made her debut on the photo and video sharing App, she received a warm welcome from the film fraternity. For all those who want to (re)connect with their fans, social media seems to be the quickest and best way.

Why am I being raped every day?

I am ashamed yet again. The ugly debate on BBC airing the short film “India’s Daughter”, and the ban that followed, was not even over that a sick nationalist uploaded a cut-copy-paste video titled “United Kingdom’s  Daughter” as a reply to Leslee Udwin’s documentary on Nirbhaya’s rape .

Only if a film for a film, a rape for a rape, an eye for an eye, could justify the whole situation. Udwin, who herself claims to be a rape victim from Britain, must not have imagined the uproar it has created in the minds of millions of Indians. But some have definitely spoken in support. What renowned Lyricist Javed Akhtar said in Parliament on the issue echoed my thoughts. He said, “What was the need to speak to the convict? We don’t like what he says. He says gandi baat. But I have heard the same baatein in this hall (Parliament). Good that the documentary was made. At least some people must have realised that they think like the rapist.”

You know what it signifies? It means we need to ask ourselves before raising an alarm over foreign filmmakers tarnishing India’s image with portrayal of Indian men as pervert, whether or not what we heard in the film reflects the mentality of a significant number of men in India.

It is difficult to accept but the truth remains that men in large majority still don’t like women being independent financially, sexually or even emotionally. Being a working woman myself, I have seen the misogynist attitude of men in general towards their colleagues. From my first job till today, I have hardly seen any man who considers women capable of being intellectually stronger. Let alone the jokes of unmarried girls taking home fat salaries (as they don’t have financial responsibilities). One of the colleagues had even said, “You don’t need a salary, you stay with parents.” As if women have no right to earn money, no right to do what they like.

This whole episode of #NirbhayaInsulted has disturbed me thoroughly. I have been unable to understand how a film based on an incident that has already taken place, could tarnish India’s image. Though, the ban is understandable as the views of the convict are disconcerting, though not shocking. Even more appalling is the claim by Nirbhaya case’s sole eye witness and victim that the documentary is fake. He had done all sorts of dramatized versions of the deadly night of December 16 with Indian TV channels, yet when Udwin approached him he was not sure of the motive behind the film. (Can you recall his show with Aaj Tak a year after the incident telling the anchor all the same things like which movie they watched, what time they took the auto, etc.)

Udwin, who had appealed to the PM on one of the shows on NDTV to watch the film, has now fled the country on fear of being arrested.

“India’s Daughter” which was supposed to be an awareness campaign to understand rape from a social perspective has been misinterpreted so badly by several men (and women alike) that we have deviated from the actual issue.

I am not bothered about the ban, nor am I advocating the Freedom of Speech here. But I have been saying it for years that men don’t respect women enough. And rape is a serious thing not just in India but worldwide. India’s comparison to any other country be it Britain will not be correct as the social milieu is not the same. Here women are taught to be second class citizens right from the birth. What the Defence Lawyers handling the case have some said in the documentary is just a reflection of many men in power including our revered politicians. If justice is denied or delayed further, this would actually be an insult to every woman who has gone through this ordeal.

Never Let Your Dreams Die

Where have you been the entire year? Asked a fellow blogger. Well, 2012 was a busy yet amazing year. Not only because my elder sister bought a house in Hyderabad but also because I finally got a chance to appear on Television.

Picture Courtesy: Google

Seven years back, when I passed out from Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, I had just one dream. I wanted to Anchor Shows on TV. But with time, my passion for the camera slowed down. I tried my luck with All India Radio and managed to present LIVE shows for Yuvavani.

While studying, I read 30-min news bulletins for local channels that appeared on Cable Network between the breaks. Oh! How much we curse those ad breaks watching our favorite movies. Though, my mother religiously watched my bulletins along with me. (Only your Mother can bear your amateur news reading!)  

Many of my old chums recalled at a School Reunion, how proud they felt watching me. It was a strange feeling. My goal was still far away. I tried for a job at Aaj Tak twice but never got a call. My audition tape for the weather Anchor at NDTV (2005) went missing. The India TV security men never let us enter the reception. We were allowed only to drop the resumes in the box created at the entrance (Only to be thrown in the bin, when the box was full). Twice again at BAG Films and no success. And I just can't forget the audition for S1 Tadka (I could have easily won the Out Of Place Award. Why the hell had I gone for this one, I feel now. There were boys and girls who were bothered more about the makeup and clothes, rather than the script).

Last, but not the least. Through a classmate, I got a meeting fixed with someone at Total TV (Delhi's own 24 hours junk News channel). They denied giving even an internship. Anyways, I continued my search that ended at Zee News. I did a 15-day internship with the Programming Desk at the channel.

December, 2005: I got my first job. This was not neither TV nor Radio. I joined as a Trainee Sub-Editor with United News Of India (UNI). This was indeed special. Everything I know about Editing, I learned it here. Then in July, 2007 I moved to Online Media, as this seemed to be the future of Journalism. My dreams of a TV debut started fading. I thought I was best suited for the Internet but then I got a call from Zee News in September, 2010. I gladly accepted the offer. It was when I believed the dust had settled, a miracle occured.

2012: The Year That Was

I anchored my first show on Television on July 24. The feeling can't be expressed in words. Though, the wait was more explicit than the actual moment when I first faced the studio lights.