"Women can't cook to save their lives." Controversial British celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay said once in an interview to BBC that more men were learning what to do in the kitchen, while women were more likely to be able to mix a cocktail than cook.
It’s my third year of living in Delhi. When I first shifted to the capital in September 2007, I had no experience buying vegetables. And my cooking skills included boiling eggs and making tea. Thats about it. I lived alone in a small flat in
Amar Colony surviving the heat and cold alike for more than a year. I never thought of getting a cook for myself.
Reasons:1. Food was just a formality to show others I was human :)
2. Night Shifts — Spoiled my face value and eating habits alike.
3. Money was definately a constraint.
4. And, the most important of all– I had to prove my family (specially my Mom, that I could cook!)
Every girl in almost all parts of this country is expected to be an average cook by the time she completes college. And here I was, didn’t know how to cook daal-chawal (Cooked rice and pulses) even after my PG and 2 years of job. I learned to cook only after living alone. I remember the half cooked rice and half-baked rotis I made initially. My mother was most concerned when I left home. She always asked–”So, what did you eat today? Momos!” After all, half of the hostelers in South Delhi thrive on them.
Now, I cook and cook quite okay. But the truth remains that I do not enjoy cooking. It’s an art, that I can only try to imitate but can’t enjoy. It can be a mechanical job if you don’t enjoy doing it. I am my sister’s biggest fan [for she is a food enthusiast and a great cook. Hope she's reading :D ] She has always been pushing me to learn cooking before I found a pit to fall (oops! I mean marriage). But I always declared, that I would either marry a guy who was less fond of eating at home or would help me in the cumbersome process. Mom always said: Where would you get such a guy?
And I always wondered that even as the biggest chefs in this country are males, the concept of ‘cooking’ at home is strictly associated with the female of the house. Women who either remain slow or incompetent after their marriages in this feat are considered lowly and not-that-great wives! I have inferred this over the years. But why are cooking skills a prerequisite for being a woman, specially when you are married. Can’t you be an average cook and still be a good wife. All you need is an understanding husband, who is not judgmental about your nature. After all, cooking is an art and anyone trying to do that may not reach the A+ level.
Many of my colleagues@work never brought their lunch from home, for their mothers/wives couldn’t get up early to cook. (My mother being the opposite kind. I never saw her missing the tiffin as long as I lived with her, except in extreme conditions ). But that’s normal. Isn’t it? I have heard people making fun and cracking jokes on women who can’t cook, at workplaces. What bothered me was the comparison between their mothers and wives. Every woman, working or housewife, is expected to cook and cook really well. Why? I ask? One of my school friend’s mother didn’t cook good. And that was the reason, she never called me for lunch. Amazing hun! :)
I observed this with many of my friends. They were embarrassed to admit: Their mothers couldn’t cook! We, the makers of this society, have made this the rule. If you are a woman. You ought to cook! If you can’t…you are lacking as a woman. :D
When it comes to men. Their life is no easy.
They can do if they can’t cook. Infact, there are men who shy away from sharing if they do. There’s a strange innuendo of machoism in saying that I can’t cook. (The picture has changed in the metros and to an extent in Tier II cities but most males want their better halves to cook). The picture is different when he’s around his female colleagues. And you know why! :)
For a man, it’s more essential to be working and being the bread earner of the family. A man, however benevolent he might be, earns no respect from the society if he has no money. Again, it’s the gender-biased society that has made these things so very acceptable. I remember my early days spent in Uttar Pradesh’s Ghaziabad district. Our then landlady’s eldest son used to stay in a separate room cut off from the large house and was deprived of all the comforts, available to his younger brothers. His children never played with him and neither was he seen at family functions. I was too young to know the reasons.
Recently realised, it was because he did not earn for the family. His kids were raised by the owner of the house, his mother. He was an irreverent man for everyone. He was just one among several like him in the Indian middle classes, where his manliness is directly associated with his ability to earn. What if a man didn’t want to work? Does that make him pansy? I find it hard to understand…
Everyone on this earth needs to eat, for which he/she/LGBT should cook. For cooking one needs money, that comes after hours of hardwork. So why to divide the roles as Cooking for Woman and Earning for The Man. Let there be a role reversal, let the person decide whether a woman cooks for fun or for family and a man earns due to compassion or compulsion. :) :)
I am waiting for some brickbats after this NERVE-WRECKING post! :P… With Lots of Love… From My Inner Voice
