Views expressed here are personal. Not intended to offend anyone willing to marry or already married. Read on.
People marry for sex? People marry for financial security? Or, people marry because it’s vital for survival and acceptance in society. Whatever the reasons may be, marriage in itself has no meaning. It is a means to achieve goals, not an end in itself, I feel.
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| The vicious circle |
Mostly, we marry for self-gratification, to prove our worth to the world. People who marry late or don’t marry at all have to face irksome questions. Despite all efforts, they fail to satisfy others of their choice of single hood.
People who remain single are either judged as sadists or psychic. Except those who dedicate their life to a cause. Rest for everyone, staying unmarried is looked upon with suspicion.
The problem is with the age-old mentality that has been obsessed with the tradition of kinship. For years, women have been an integral resource to extend the family tree, of which they are not even considered a part. They are supposed to serve as a silent spectator. This is the core reality of most of the rural India. The irony is that women themselves are content to play this role.
Despite all this, women love to marry. For many, marriage seems to be a “safe passage” to break the monotony of a tiresome middle-class life. By the time they reach 25, it becomes almost indispensable for them to leave their homes and “look outward”. It may also be due to the family members’ changing behavior towards them. A new home, new room (though, with a partner) and a whole new wardrobe seems exciting. For men, the reasons may be otherwise.
But as they say, nothing comes for free. All the fallacy associated with marriage vanishes after the encounter with reality. Be it a working woman or a home-maker, challenges are myriad. But she accepts it in exchange of the other benefits.
Those unable to cope up with the changes either land in divorce or an embittered marriage.
Family upbringing and cultural background play a great role in an individual’s perception about marriage. Looking at the number of cross-culture marriages in my family, I have come to believe that marriage should be considered a “personal” rather than a “family affair”.
However, even if a person marries for family's sake, ultimately he/she becomes part of the larger section of society that advocates marriage. Marriage is a legal arrangement between two people to stay together without being poked by the society. That's what differentiates it from a “Live-in” relationship.
“Live-ins” do not come with a bond nor garner the same respect as marriages in India. A married couple, however estranged, gets more societal support than a live-in couple in love. The trend we say is catching up, but the patriarchal mindset hasn’t changed much. When I say “patriarchal”, I am referring to every man and woman who may possess this mentality.
When two people stay together, under marriage or Live-in the need for a child is inevitable. To have a child out of wed-lock in India has legal implications. Moreover, both the partners may not even agree.
Therefore, one needs to marry to have a child. Again marriage becomes a "means" to get your need fulfilled. Adoption is seen as an alternative but every child deserves the love and care of both the parents. Hence, I do not advocate being a single mother if there is an option to marry.
For men, passing on the family name is a responsibility. They have to marry for family’s sake. It’s not that boys don’t fight for love marriages; they might be few who fight for marriage. They do not face as many questions as girls do, even if they marry at 30.
Marriage is a single word holding different meaning for different people at different points in their life. Still I would say, it has implications in the long run but no meaning on the surface.
